The Way She Feels
by MissCaroline
Summary: This is a oneshot songfic. Hermione and Draco.


**A/N: Okay, so this is a one-shot, about cutting, just to warn you ahead of time. Normally, I don't like cutting very much, but this amazing song really inspired me. **

_**Between the Trees- "The Way She Feels"**_

Hermione had the hardest time out of anyone dealing with Ron's sudden death. She was only 16 when he died; now, the beginning of her 7th year at Hogwarts, people started noticing the changes in her behavior. Notably, the least suspecting person out of all of them- this year's Head Boy, Draco Malfoy.

She still managed to make Head Girl, probably from her past accomplishments, and she shared a common room with him. He noticed first when he ridiculed her on the train ride over, she made no attempt to spit back a rude comment. When they had a tour of their commonroom, as soon as McGonagall left, she darted for her room, without saying one word to him. It really unnerved him, so he tried not to think about it. But, whenever he saw her, she was holding a book, as if she was reading it, but blankly staring at the pages. Or she was expressionlessly looking out of a window; the old fire in her eyes, gone. He hadn't heard her voice since they had been at school, and she didn't even raise her hand to answer questions in class.

He had heard about Weasley's disappearance at the beginning of last year, so he figured that might have had to do with her behavior. But he still had to know for sure; it was killing him inside. He decided on confronting her one bleak, stormy night…

_(A/N: Draco's point of view, from here on out, just to let you guys know.)_

As I stepped out of my bedroom Thursday evening, I saw _her_ again. _Hermione Granger._ I doubt she noticed me, but if she had, she didn't respond. It wasn't like she responded to anyone anymore, so I had no idea why I thought she might have this time. Why in the world I even paused to watch, I have no idea. But she was doing it again. She stared blankly out of the window, watching the rain. She was making me want to go and comfort her; she looked so vulnerable and I felt like I was the only who could protect her. Where were her companions when she needed them to comfort her? Come to think of it, Potter hadn't been around much anymore. Where the hell was he, leaving her alone like this? I really had to fight the urge to go and hug her, considering how she wouldn't understand why I felt like I had to. I don't even know why I would want to do that. I didn't want to reveal that to her yet.

I tore my eyes away from her, and left the commonroom. Even though I wasn't looking at her, I could still feel the pain she was in. I couldn't stand to see her like that. I missed the old Hermione- the one who was the first to shoot her hand in the air, the one who could come up with a quick remark when I taunted her, the one with the fire in her eyes, if I dared to look. I was afraid she would see right down in my heart- afraid she would see that I loved her with every ounce of feeling I had.

I wandered the damp halls, vaguely aware of where I was going. All I could think about was _her. _I suppose I ended up back outside our dorm, because I heard her scream. I ran into the commonroom, only to find no one there. I looked frantically around for where she might be; her door was open. I decided to just peek in from the door, so she wouldn't be furious at me for barging in.

I saw tears streaming down her face, and assumed she was only upset, because nobody but her was in the room. She walks over to her dresser and pulls it open franticly searching for something. She throws some papers out of the drawer, and screams again, "Mom and Dad had no right!" And she crumples down to the ground, sobbing hysterically.

_She's upset  
Bad day  
Heads for the dresser drawer to  
drive her pain away  
nothing good can come of this.  
She opens it there's nothing _

_There is only left over tears  
"Mom and dad had no right!" she screams  
as the anger runs down both of her cheeks.  
_

I froze, mesmerized by the scene. I never in my life saw anyone so upset. I continue to watch her, as she pulls up the sleeve of her sweatshirt…her pale skin is covered in red marks. I realize too soon that they are scars, and the realization hits me. She crawls to her bed and reaches underneath, pulling something out. The glare from the lamp reflects off of it, and she puts it on her arm and pulls, causing a stream of red to seep from her pale skin.

_Then she closed her eyes  
and found relief in a knife  
the blood flows as she cries_

He locks on her eyes the minute she opens them. All he can see is pain, loneliness, and grief at first, then something else…what is it? __

All alone the way she feels  
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrowed relief  
Bite the lip just forget the bleeding

She bites her lip in pain, and closes her eyes, laying the blade on her arm at a different angle, and pulling again. She cries out in agony, and throws the knife across the room. She lets out another cry, and grips her arm with such intensity, and just sits there sobbing.

_Then she closed her eyes  
and found relief in a knife  
the blood flows as she cries_

The bleeding starts to slow down, and she pulls her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them. She sits there for a minute with her head buried in her knees shaking slightly, then lifts her chin and sets it on top. She stopped crying, but her eyes had suffering…and then, guilt? Yes, I was sure it's guilt; it's the same look a little kid gives when they lie. What did she do? She re-buries her head back into her knees, and I slowly, quietly enter the room.__

Curled up she's on the floor  
relief left her, she had hoped for something more  
from it. Hoped for something more  
from it…

_  
_I kneel down in front of her and she looks up at me, the same expression of pain she had when she looked up the last time. Tears start to pool in her eyes, and then they pierce my heart. I felt her pull up those feelings I have, and I felt her acknowledge them. I wrap my arms around her; no words are needed._  
_

_He leans down to comfort her  
She is weeping and he  
wraps his arms around  
and around and around and…_

I couldn't stand to see her in so much pain; it was killing me inside. She closes her eyes again, and I tell her: 

_The deeper you cut  
the deeper I hurt.  
The deeper you cut  
it only gets worse. _

_  
Now she's slowly opening, _

_Now she's slowly opening  
new eyes..._

The next day, I hold her hand, and we spend all day in the common room. She confesses everything, including how she thought it was her fault Weasley was dead and Harry hated her for it. This whole time she was being guilt driven to cause herself pain, hoping the guilt would go away, but no matter how many times she tried, the nightmares wouldn't stop, the people she loved wouldn't return. I told her I was here for her, even if no one else was there; she could always count on me to be there.

_  
Then she opened her eyes  
and found relief through his life  
and put down her knives_

Then she opened her life  
and found relief through his eyes  
and put down  
she put down her knives

**A/N: All right, so how was it? I hope it seemed _kind of_ realistic, and it wasn't _too_ rushed. I didn't want to go into a whole bunch of details, unless I was planning on writing an entire story. Anyway, if you read this, you should definitely go listen to this song. It will really help you get a better idea of the story. Okay, so review, thanks! **

**Miss Caroline**


End file.
